It is with regret that I am taking some time away from WordPress. I do wish to emphasise how much I have enjoyed blogging on here and the multitude of characters that I have met. You are all gems of the highest quality. However, I need some time to think things over. I will continue to operate on twitter but please rest assured that it is not because I have little hands or that I have a little Donald Trump inside of me. There are no pee pee parties here.
If you would like to stay in touch, please feel free to add me on Twitter. My account is @EntertainDavid. I would love to see you all there (especially the hot ones – I jest). Much love to everyone and see you soon.
I had decided at the start that I was going to reduce the level of smut in my blog because I was a bit concerned with some of the attention I was getting. There are definitely times when I find rude stuff funny but I still don’t want to end up making friends with some insane nymphomaniac. No offense nymphos – I’m sure there are people out there that love you.
That being said, today, I started watching The Night Manager which stars Hollywood and British heartthrob Tom Hiddleston and House himself Hugh Laurie. And I went into it with an open mind even though I didn’t really know what to expect besides hearing that “Hiddleston was so good that should be the next Bond”. But yeah, I know all the fan girls out there literally want him in anything so I didn’t take that much notice.
Anyway, watching part of it, my thoughts are that the show started off slow but did pick up somewhat over time. However, what stood out for me the most was that Hiddleston had quite a few sex scenes – much more than I am used to seeing anyway. And I get why girls like him. He’s well groomed, tall, and has the type of accent that makes all the cats crave but that still doesn’t make seeing him in sex scenes seem normal. And while I should stress I haven’t seen it all yet, there was one seen that struck me as being the quite..short. See below.
In addition to making an ass of himself, I was surprised to see Hiddleston “finish up” in such a quick time. And sure, while many would argue that this gives a sense of realism, others might laugh at the time it took (less than a minute). Personally, I didn’t see the point of this scene and I don’t really see it as sexy or with point. I guess all it really did was get young women to tune in to see their favourite British eye candy’s butt.
Tim Vine is an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his quick-fire puns and his role on the BBC series Not Going Out. He is also rather hilarious. Here are 15 funny one-liners of his that made me chuckle.
Exit signs? They’re on the way out!
Black Beauty? Now there’s a dark horse!
Velcro? What a rip-off!
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again
Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes
So I said to a Scottsman ‘did you have terrible spots as a kid?’ He said ‘ac ne’
The phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: “Who’s speaking please?” And a voice said: “You are.”
The advantage of easy origami is two-fold…
I went to the doctor. I said to him: “I’m frightened of lapels.” He said: “You’ve got cholera.”
I bought a train ticket and the driver said: “Eurostar.” I said: “Well I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin.”
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said “Parking Fine”. So that was nice.
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!
Beware of Alphabet Grenades; if you throw them, it could spell disaster
With giant teeth and a sinister grin
They watch you sceptically
In deep blue waters; your body immersed
You glide so perfectly
A killer they scream, blood thirsty and cruel,
Unqualified the labels they add,
When hunting is eating and eating is life,
The last thing you do is be bad
Have you ever wondered why two people are together? You know, you are there looking on wondering what they could possibly see in the other?
Bring in Mr Jerk or as the Mirror calls him…Derek Deso.
Mr Deso recently performed what could only be described as one of the cruelest pranks on his partner that I have seen in a LONG time. This guy decides that it would be funny for him to sneak into his girlfriend’s place and, you know, drop a couple of large pythons on her while she is FAST ASLEEP.
YouTube user Derek Deso orchestrated the stunt with friends who caught the nasty surprise on camera.
They begin slither over her legs but she takes a little while to wake up.
“Baby, don’t move. There’s two ginormous snakes on your butt!” Derek says.
She begins screaming and ordering them to remove the snakes, unable to move as they slither over her body. Indeed she was EXTREMELY distressed. Hell, she continues to scream after the creatures have been peeled from her body.
Towards the end, she appears out of breath as Deso tries to come over and talk to her – but she firmly rejects him. If he wasn’t dumped, I’d be amazed. But seriously, this shows just what exactly this YouTube generation has become. And I’m not saying that it’s all bad. I love catching up on America’s events via the media provider as well as catching clips of shows such as The Daily Show with Trevor Noah and the Colbert Report. But YouTube provides people with the opportunity to make a name for themselves by any means necessary and this includes ridiculous pranks like this one. Perhaps the people filming these pranks aren’t necessarily completely cruel deep down but everyone is after making an easy buck and they will happily exploit their friends, family and even strangers to do so. Why else would you get crazes like the killer clown craze that has swept the globe. It’s quite sad really. I feel for this poor girl. As someone who isn’t a lover of snakes, this would be my idea of hell. And for someone who supposedly loves you to do what he did was kind of unforgivable. At least I think so. What do you think?
Okay so I am going to share with you one of my daily rituals. Being English (as well as being located in England) I am unable to watch such great shows such as The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah or Late Night with Seth Meyers LIVE. I love these shows because they are witty, topical and also focus on important daily issues. It’s not something we get in abundance in the UK; I’m not sure why but I think the British can no longer do political satire or comedy shows about current affairs – maybe it’s too depressing?
But anyway, every day when I get up, one of the first things I do is go onto YouTube and search for clips from the previous nights shows. It’s always great viewing watching what’s going on in the United States, especially considering it is about to inaugurate potentially the most divisive and controversial president in sometime. Given that George W Bush managed to somehow win the US election in 2000 in the way that he did and yet this bloke is more controversial is amazingly telling.
For those who have followed the US Election and everything since, they will be familiar with Kellyanne Conway, who is Mr Trump’s campaign manager and all around guru. She fits the bill for Trump in so many ways. She’s blonde. She’s female. And she’s a shrewd. And regardless of what you think about the Donald, you have to say that Conway has done an amazing job at spinning the news of a man that admitted to sexually assaulting women and who refuses to release his tax returns and still somehow makes President. A lesser campaign manager could have crumbled.
This morning, I was rather intrigued to find that the previous night, Ms Conway had appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers, who is and has been firmly in the democratic corner throughout the election and post-election days. And considering the media has been rife with the rumours of Trump’s relationship with the Russians, surely she would not want to be doing that show at that particular time. But she did. Though that isn’t the reason I was shocked…
The reason I was shocked is because Kellyanne Conway told Seth Meyers that she was in her forties. What? REALLY? I really don’t mean to be cruel when I say this but she doesn’t look like a woman in her 40s. I did a quick search online and found out that she was 49 which blows my mind when you think that Megyn Kelly is 46! And all I could think was – is that what working for Donald Trump does to you? If so, you have to feel sorry for the next batch of interns working in the White House. They’ll go in at 21 and come out looking 40. Then again, Trump would argue that that isn’t the worst thing to happen to an intern in the Oval Office.
The interview itself is quite interesting, mainly because Seth Meyers does his best to prevent Conway from detouring with every question, which she is the master of. She also seems somewhat more flirty than usual.
The following article is interesting, not only because it is well written and for that matter, well written by a pretty girl but it just underlines what it is that I hate about online dating. Before I tried, I was a hopeful sceptic but after many a night, I lost the hope. The thing is that you can never be completely sure of someone’s motivations. And it is very difficult to tell if someone is being genuine over phone call or text. You can meet someone and things seem great and the next moment they disappear. I had some ridiculous situations. So obviously when I hear stories I feel unsurprised. I even told my friend as much the other day who was excitedly telling me about this Italian man she met on one. He can’t meet her yet. He is currently in Italy and he calls himself an entrepreneur who is starting his own business. In what? Your guess is as good as mine. He also told her he wants to take her dancing as a first date. Is it me or is that too good to be true? Too suave? And that’s it. You never know with people these days and with the net.
Give me an old fashioned Hollywood romance any day!
After past experiences with online dating (one of which resulted in a short lived disaster of a relationship), 12 months ago I decided to give it up. Love would have to come to me, to seek me out and fall romantically and theatrically into my arms. That was the plan.
12 months on, I re-download Tinder and Bumble.
A few idle swipes and attempts at riveting virtual conversation later and I find my self heading out on a date. A date with a man. I am nervous and out of practice, but how out of practice can you actually be at attempting to ‘be yourself’ for a couple of hours. He lives outside of London and so we decide to meet outside of Waterloo station and walk in the drizzle to Southbank for drinks.
Initial impressions are great and conversation is interesting, funny and flows well. Hoorah! We both seemingly…
12 months on, I re-download Tinder and Bumble.
The Entertainment Patrol (and general musings) 
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