Tim Vine and his great one-liners. 

Tim Vine is an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his quick-fire puns and his role on the BBC series Not Going Out. He is also rather hilarious. Here are 15 funny one-liners of his that made me chuckle. 

  • Exit signs? They’re on the way out!
  • Black Beauty? Now there’s a dark horse!
  • Velcro? What a rip-off!
  • Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
  • I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
  • I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again
  • Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes
  • So I said to a Scottsman ‘did you have terrible spots as a kid?’ He said ‘ac ne’
  • The phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: “Who’s speaking please?” And a voice said: “You are.” 
  •  The advantage of easy origami is two-fold…
  • I went to the doctor. I said to him: “I’m frightened of lapels.” He said: “You’ve got cholera.” 
  •  I bought a train ticket and the driver said: “Eurostar.” I said: “Well I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin.”
  • Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said “Parking Fine”. So that was nice.
  • I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!
  • Beware of Alphabet Grenades; if you throw them, it could spell disaster

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Shock and Awww

The following article was really well put together and highlighted what is and/or what isn’t shocking these days. It really puts forward some really good points.

I always try to think the best of people but a lot of what happens never really truly shocks me, especially since what happened at 9/11. But as I have grown up, I’ve seen and heard of many things that perhaps at the time may surprise you but as you become worldly, they tend to stop surprising you. I’m not sure if that is sad or just the way of the world. Perhaps it’s just over exposure to the world.

Check out this great article. I hope you enjoy.

yadadarcyyada

1ashock2

“Somewhere,
something
incredible
is waiting
to be known.”
~Carl Sagan

People use the word ‘shock’ a lot. The news keeps telling us how shocked we should be. Politicians are always shocked. Most things they use the word shock for, are not, in fact, shocking.

1ashock23

Shockingly, we’re still cavepeople. We just happen to be living in a modern world. The modern trend is toward being positive, but there is a reason humans tend to be negative. It kept us alive. It was important to caution your family, friends, even strangers about: the wolves in the forest, the cliff behind the bush, the saber tooth tiger about to jump on their head, the rabid bats in the cave, the poison berries, and so on. We spoke of, then later, wrote about negative things not always to dwell on them, but to often to help others, protect others. And sometimes, other times, it’s…

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