What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her

I had a flashback today to my university years and a conversation that I had with one of my housemates at the time. I don’t remember the exact time of the year but the days were definitely getting shorter. It was a pretty eventful time really. We were preparing for examinations (Three of us were anyway) and there was a lot of “personal turmoil” going on. I was becoming more and more of a recluse at the time, a knock on effect from the unhappiness I was experiencing as a girl who I very much cared for had began getting serious with another man. I suppose it didn’t help that I and another housemate were both very single and for a very long time while our two other housemates were in relationships. One of them, a very nice guy was spending a lot of time with his girlfriend (now wife) while the other was seeing a girl himself. This guy – he was always a bit strange. He liked to think of himself as quite edgy and cool; he listened to rock music and liked to wear lots of leather and latex. A poser basically. But anyway. He was dating this girl called Fiona (not her real name) who from all accounts was a really nice girl. 

Apparently, he had made his mind up that she was the girl he wanted and he relentlessly pursued her till she gave in. They also had a threesome on my friends mattress with some other random girl (it was early in their relationship and he, well, he lifted my friend’s mattress out of his bedroom, took it into the lounge and did it there – why they couldn’t use his own bed I will never know..). It was a strange deal though. As I understand it, she was quite impressionable and he had convinced her to do this threesome deal but afterwards should had reservations he wanted something serious which he told her he did so the officially became exclusive. 

So they were dating. And after the end of the first semester, we all went back home to our families. Apparently over the holidays, Mr Poser had put an advert out over the internet that he was looking for models and had even visited them at their homes. I thought it was suspect at the time but as I was not around – I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After the holidays, we get back and go back to our regular studies. One night, one of my other housemates and I come back to our house and no one seems to be home. So we head upstairs and unpack and just chill following the long day. Suddenly Poser’s door opens and out he comes with his shirt off and a woman we haven’t seen before. She says hello and seems okay but leaves quite quickly and he comes upstairs to say hey. 


He tells us her name was “Elmo”.  I’m not joking. Elmo. He tells all about how he met her at his college and how she seems really cool. Apparently she has a boyfriend but he happily shared with us that he had sex with her. 
“Yeah, I can’t see it becoming anything” he exclaimed. “She’s fun but she’s got a really crap taste in music. Her sister is quite hot though”. Intrigued, I apologise saying that I hadn’t realised that he had broken up with Fiona. He hadn’t. He said that it is what it is and that he wasn’t going to say no when the opportunity came about. We had a long chat (all three of us, including my other housemate) about the situation. While we both disagreed, he argued that the issue with cheating has nothing to do with morality. “Sex  is sex” he would say. And it didn’t have to be coupled with any feeling. He believed (and on all accounts still believes) that cheating is only bad if it hurts somebodies feelings. And as he and the girl he just slept with will never tell Fiona, she would never get hurt. So it’s fine. After all, in his mind, he would still be the same considerate and doting boyfriend. They will still do stuff together. He will still be there for her. He just does that in addition to sleeping with other people. 

As someone who values fidelity, I struggled with this logic. I asked him if he would be okay if the roles were reversed. How would HE feel if FIONA was sleeping with other guys all the time while she was telling him she loved him. He said he’d be fine with it himself. And anyway, if he didn’t know about it, and it didn’t affect their relationship, so what? I couldn’t help but find flaws in his argument. 

Now, I have always been quite a dedicated/loyal sort of guy. I had my first real little crush when I was 9/10 and then another small crush at 10/11 before really liking someone aged 11/12. This girl I really liked and for the entire time I liked her, I couldn’t look at another girl. In fact, when I was 13, there was a girl in my class who had a crush on me and she got her friend to ask me out. I gallantly replied “I’m sorry but I’m in love with someone else”. I carried on having this crush well until I was 16 where I decided that I should try broadening my horizons and proceeded to fancy a lot of people each day. I think at that point I just wanted a girlfriend. Then when I was 18 and went to uni, I fell in love and that time, I was really messed up. I literally couldn’t look at another woman for years and when I tried, the memory of her came back, even despite friends trying to set me up. So yeah, I’ve always found it hard to be invested in someone and look at someone else. I guess part of that is that my parents have been happily married for years and I have always strived to have the same. He on the other hand, had his parents break up when he was young though his Dad married again and had a settled family so I don’t know if they had anything to do with it. For me, it has always been straightforward though. If you love someone, you do everything you can to make them happy AND you don’t do anything that can hurt them. And whether or whether not she knows about it, if your actions could or maybe I should say would hurt them, then it’s not right. Being with other people is not being devoted. Perhaps that’s why marriages fail so often because people don’t know what they are getting into?

Regardless, if you are not devoted to someone, you shouldn’t be married to them. Which is why to this day I am shocked they ended up getting married. I know he cheated on her countless times and I know she has no idea. Funnily enough, given that he knew I struggled with my conscience, he did his best to limit her and I getting to know one another until we finished uni and then we’d talk on what was the old MSN messenger. And I then did get to know her. Which then made it all the harder knowing what he was getting up to when he asked me to be his best man. He said that he really wanted me to do the honour. When he asked, I thought about it but I eventually declined. I never told him directly why but there could have been no way that I could have ever supported the wedding. Not long after I declined his offer, I began to distance myself from him and not long after, I stopped speaking with him all together. 


As I understand it, they are still together now. So perhaps he was right. But regardless, I will never be that person.

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Shock and Awww

The following article was really well put together and highlighted what is and/or what isn’t shocking these days. It really puts forward some really good points.

I always try to think the best of people but a lot of what happens never really truly shocks me, especially since what happened at 9/11. But as I have grown up, I’ve seen and heard of many things that perhaps at the time may surprise you but as you become worldly, they tend to stop surprising you. I’m not sure if that is sad or just the way of the world. Perhaps it’s just over exposure to the world.

Check out this great article. I hope you enjoy.

yadadarcyyada

1ashock2

“Somewhere,
something
incredible
is waiting
to be known.”
~Carl Sagan

People use the word ‘shock’ a lot. The news keeps telling us how shocked we should be. Politicians are always shocked. Most things they use the word shock for, are not, in fact, shocking.

1ashock23

Shockingly, we’re still cavepeople. We just happen to be living in a modern world. The modern trend is toward being positive, but there is a reason humans tend to be negative. It kept us alive. It was important to caution your family, friends, even strangers about: the wolves in the forest, the cliff behind the bush, the saber tooth tiger about to jump on their head, the rabid bats in the cave, the poison berries, and so on. We spoke of, then later, wrote about negative things not always to dwell on them, but to often to help others, protect others. And sometimes, other times, it’s…

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Thanks for the Orgy Shirt

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 You know what Mums are like; they live th spoil their kids. And when they have a girl, Mum’s enjoy that special gift of being able to indulge in buying clothes.  This continues no matter how old their child is. 

One mum decided to buy a nice t-shirt for her 18-year-old daughter, Katie.

It was even a designer one  too – Vivienne Westwood in fact – I know right, so fancy but pretty trendy at the same time – with a lovely gold pattern (I am definitely heterosexual! Honest!) 
But what Mum hadn’t noticed was that the pattern was actually depicting a huge orgy. 


Yep, it’s A LOT of people bumping uglies in the name of fashion. 

As you can see from the tweet above, it actually caused a bit of a stir online being retweeted over 3000 times and liked nearly 6000 times. 

One thing that caught people’s attention (if you look carefully at the top picture) is that one of the depictions is in fact a dog. What a dog is doing there is anyone’s guess. But I think that Vivienne Westwood’s design here is rather questionable. 

Apparently her Mum has found it hilarious. 


For those interested in this bizarre shirt, apparently it is actually made for men and has a retail value of just less than £50. So, if you so desire, go buy yourself a kinky shirt. 

What do I want in a partner?

You know, one thing that I have never had a problem with is finding someone physically attractive. I don’t mean that I’m easy. I just mean that usually, there is always something about a person that is attractive, whether it be a nice smile or pretty eyes or even a nice pair of legs. I think most people are actually pretty good looking. 
It’s what is inside that makes the difference. 

I’m sure a lot of you will tut or sigh and say that this is just a line but it’s the honest truth. In fact, if you put a dating app in front of me and asked me to go just based on pictures, I would likely easily pick numerous girls that I’d be interested in on a preliminary basis. I definitely wouldn’t use a person’s skin colour, shape or bra size as a reason not to be with someone. If you connect with someone, you often find that all the superficial things tend to just melt away and vanish into nothingness. 

I always found with online dating that I could message 7 or 8 people and get into a conversation with them and end up having no attraction to them purely based on personality. Like I said, most people are pretty. And while the initial attraction might bring me to the dance, it’s the conversation and shared goals and feelings that will keep me sticking around. 

It’s the chemistry that I crave. I think I’m a warm person and if you and I get on, chases on that we’ll slow cook nicely.  I love talking about this that and everything else and if you can maintain that conversation, then you’d probably get me intrigued. Obviously this automatically locks out when I’m in a relationship but I’m like a mobile phone searching for a router to connect with. 

I think it’s my philosophy on women and dating that scares me about how I am perceived. Indeed, there are a small portion of people that you are instantly unattracted to. It might be a vibe they give or perhaps they just give the impression that they don’t care about how they come across or don’t even make an effort to be presentable.  And no, I’m not saying dolly up but if you are out to date someone, you know, you at least hope that that person doesn’t look like they’ve not showered in three weeks.  But I digress. What scares me if I am in that minority of the population that no one sees any redeeming personal or physical attraction to. I know that  not good looking – this worries me and scares me all at the same time. I ask myself if anyone will ever be attracted to me. It seems so unlikely. 

But I’m just looking for someone that I don’t have to feel like I’m straining to enjoy the company of. Someone who I can be myself around and not worry that something I will do or say might be offensive or seem stupid. I want someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. Someone who I can lie in bed with at night and just talk about anything and everything with. I want someone who I can share my life with and share adventures with. I feel like I’m wanting a lot by wanting this but I want to feel like I’m connected to someone. That’s what confuses me about how people date sometimes. I feel like they can pick people up and put them down. I want someone who if I experience something cool, I can text them or call them right away because I want to share that with them. I want to experience that closeness. Not someone who is like a new hobby. And I know I know, you won’t always share everything in common but to me, the dream is finding someone who you want and to do as much as possible with. 

I don’t know if I’m delusional or a dreamer or a romantic or whatever. I just know I haven’t found what I’m looking for. And hey, it’s tough. 

If you could invite 5 famous people to a dinner party, who would they be and why?

Okay folks, I’m looking for some interaction here with my peeps so I hope you humour me here. The rules, well, I’m going to say that they have to alive. I know that takes away some really cool people BUT it also will help to narrow down things a bit. Please please please DO post your ideal guests too, I really want to read them. 

So! Who would I pick for my amazing dinner party and why?

1. Al Gore

Al Gore is a champion for climate change and probably one of the most unluckiest people never to be president of the United States. I believe, like Hilary Clinton, he also won the popular vote but as we know, that does make for a hill of beans in this world. Regardless, besides the fact that he made An Inconvenient Truth which is AMAZING by the way, he has been a staunch advocate of supporting the fight against climate change. Not only has he founded businesses for sustainable living, he has tirelessly worked on increasing awareness and I would just love to speak with him and learn more of his experiences. 

2. President Obama

Okay, it’s just a coincidence that I have selected two politicians but I have SERIOUS man love for Barack Obama. I love the eloquent nature in which he puts himself forward and how he handles himself. He is obviously an incredibly smart man. Someone who came from not much, not only has he been the leader of the free world for two terms but he has managed to remain a great family man with a wonderful wife and two emotionally balanced children. Plus, I can imagine him being able to level with me. I think he’d be an immensely entertaining guest. 

3. Professor Sabine Bahn

Sabine Bahn is someone who you may have never heard of but she actually a phenomenal woman. She is a Professor at the University of Cambridge and the Laboratory Head at the Cambridge Centre for Neuropsychiatric Research. Her work varies from computer modelling to her fascinating studies on molecular diagnostics for psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. As someone who is immensely interested in neuroscience, I would love to learn about her theories and studies and to hear her perspectives on the future of psychiatric diagnostics and treatment. 

4. Kim Kardashian

No no, hear me out. Literally, this would be like a case study. All I hear is that Kim is a smart business woman blah blah but I would be interested to know just how the mind works of a woman who marries a chipmunk (I mean Kanye West) and also gives birth to his children. I mean, come on….thinking you have a bit of Kanye West inside of you is terrifying. I figure I am most likely going to get what I expected from Kim but yet it would be interesting to see if the ditzy socialite woman you see on television is the same person when the cameras are off. 

5. Jennifer Lawrence

Okay, so this one is pretty much because I ❤️ Jennifer Lawrence. I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. She seems like a really fun and cute person. Her interviews always give me a good impression and she’s beautiful.  She has also been a strong advocate for equality especially in the acting business arguing that women should receive equal remuneration for their employment as men so she is not just a pretty face. My only reservation is that I’d be too shy to speak ha ha!

Who would YOU pick? Please let me know in the comments!

Lingerie Hey!

Over the past few days, I have noticed a number of girls mention both on here and on other forms of media that while THEY feel sexy in their underwear, they rarely ever get complimented on their underwear. Is this true? I mean, I hope it’s not the case! Yes, you could say that underwear is to a woman’s body what wrapping paper is to a Christmas present and while it may look nice, really it’s what underneath that the receiver is excited about. But actually, it’s more than that isn’t it. It’s an intricate thing. While you might think that the bows and wrappings are overkill, actually it adds to the excitement. It makes you more curious perhaps. It certainly can add to the grandeur of the gift. I know that is a lot of metaphors to throw around but you get my drift. FURTHERMORE, sometimes, the idea of less is more doesn’t always apply to underwear. You may think that just having a thread is sexy but a little bit more can actually be more sexy. 

For example:

THIS is sexy 


While THIS is NOT. 


At the end of the day, it all does come down to taste. But I want to take this time to thank all you ladies who painstakingly go to all the effort to look your best. And while I know that you don’t do it for us men necessarily (it’s to make you feel sexy yourselves),  I want to thank you for the effort you put in to the tiniest detail to make you that little bit more awesome. 

PS. I just want all of you to know that scrolling through pictures of women in lingerie to find appropriate pictures was a gruelling task that I unfortunately had to endure. I am grateful for your sympathies and understanding for my welfare at this time!

Thoughts?

His and hers underwear

I recently came across an interesting blog post from Janaline’s world journey that had me quite perplexed. Why do you ask? Well I was perplexed because the post highlighted an odd trend in South Korea. A trend of matching his and hers underwear. “Surely not?” you cry! But it’s true. This investigative reporter had to find out more. After all, is it a trend localised to just South Korea? Or is this a metrosexual trend that is capturing the hearts and minds of people worldwide. These important questions had to be answered and by George, I will give you the answers. 

Believe it or not, matching couples’ underwear is NOT a trend just in South Korea. In fact, it’s a trend that has been on the increase globally. That’s right, Mr Joe Bloggs now wants his banana hammock to match his lady’s panties. In fact, major companies such as Etsy and Amazon have been selling these items now for quite some time.  But is it trendy or just plain weird?

Well…what do you think?

EXAMPLE 1.


 Fresh out of math camp, this girl and boy duo prove there is nothing more fun than hanging out at the beach together in matching undies. 


EXAMPLE 2.

This couple prove that even if you’re a man with a tattoo, you can still embrace your feminine side. Odd that she would match her knickers with her man but not want a matching bra. 


EXAMPLE 3.


No matter what his sexy partner wears, this fella will happily match. Even if it’s floral.   What a flower!


EXAMPLE 4.


Nothing says sexy like prancing horses. By the way, that dude is fixated on her ass. I mean, it’s a nice ass but be professional fella!

EXAMPLE 5.


Ello sailor. I guess this proves that the navy have matching underwear all the way down to the panties. But please, I don’t want to see that man salute. 

So there you are. I’m going to wash out my eyes now. Because it doesn’t matter how many semi naked women I see, it’s all ruined if there is a man with her. 

Will I like Sex and the City?

I have always wondered about the phenomenon that was Sex and the City. After all, it seemed to be around in what seems like forever throughout my adolescence and early adulthood. I’m not going to pretend that my initial fascination was innocent. I was a teenager, The show had “sex” in the title and the opening video had Sarah Jessica Parker’s nipples protruding from her top. Yep, I was your average teenager. I probably also had at least one sexual fantasy at some point about Ms Parker and Kristin Davis (she was pretty hot too). I’m sorry about the other two, it’s nothing personal but Cynthia Nixon was just not my type and I’m pretty sure Kim Cattral would scare the crap out of me. She’s a little to domineering for my style – I’d probably be intimidated. Aside from that, I don’t really know too much about it aside from the scenes of a sexual nature and the fact that there was a character called “Mr Big”. To that I say, lucky for he who is called that. For everyone else, there’s always surgery ha ha. I kid. 

Anyway, I recently saw a deal that advertised the entire TV collection as being £35 on digital which is roughly $50. I’m assuming this doesn’t include the movies. That being said, I’ve already party of the movie and had the misfortune of seeing won swarthy Latin bloke fully nude. That really didn’t help my dinner go down that evening, I can tell you.

So as a guy, would I like it? Would it be an eye opening and worthwhile experience into the female psyche? Or is it just fantasy tosh for girls that involves plenty of talk about orgasms, shoes, bags and boy drama? I’m interested to know. 

Any feedback would be appreciated as I’m intrigued to find out just exactly what all the girls around that time were so into. 

Dating Profiles and “Selling” Yourself

I wanted to spend some time today reflecting on something I have made a conscientious effort on over the last couple of years – online dating. These days, I think it’s pretty common. Meeting people isn’t easy is it and online dating offers you a way of broadening your selection. Even as little as five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined doing it but everything changed in 2015 after a most random conversation with my Mum. 

Dating has never been easy for me. When I was younger, I always developed feelings for people far too easy. Or I’d get close to someone and grow attached and I’d bottle that feeling up because I was afraid of rejection. At school, I had a major crush on the same girl for 7 years. Then when I went to university for my first degree, I fell in love for the first time and that became one hell of a crazy ride. I won’t go into the specifics but it didn’t end well and I ended up deeply in love with a person who had fallen for someone else and it took me quite some time to even accept or get used to that. I became very reserved after that, even more so than I was before and I only really snapped out of that 7 years later. And even so, it hit me hard when I heard she got married and more so when she had her first baby. But I digress. 

So anyway, I had a chat with my Mum and she said I should give it a go. I was sceptical. You see, four years ago, I became rather sick. Not like the flu style sick but life altering long term kind of sickness. I became mostly housebound, which meant less socialising and meeting new people. My means of meeting potential Mrs David had vanished. After a few years, my dear sweet Mum told me that I should try out online dating, which I swear was driven partially out of her desire for grandchildren. But anyway, I agreed and I signed up for Match.com at first. I was really excited but also afraid. You see, being sick meant that my body has changed drastically. At first, I lost 98 lbs in the space of some 4 months. Then, when I got put on treatment, my weight piled back on. These days I am majorly out of shape (not that I ever was in great shape mind you) and this meant that my photos were not as fetching as Joe Blogs topless with his six pack. The fact is, I could never sell myself well. My pictures were unremarkable. I’m a fat guy with a big nose. I’m also not particularly exciting. Sure, I have hobbies but being housebound means that I’m not exactly going to be able to go rock climbing or skydiving or whatever else the crazy kids of today are up to. Basically I’m a bit of a homebody. That doesn’t really match up with active tall dark and handsome. So how do you sell yourself in that position? 

After many months of rejection and insults, I called my time on online dating quits. It was a failed experiment but one that I had to see for myself. For many years, people told me that I’ve got to just put myself out there and I’d meet someone and I did and it didn’t work. Now I know that a guy like me is never going to find it easy in this game. 

So what does a guy like me do?

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Wow it’s the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrr! Ho Ho Ho! Yep it’s me. Jolly old David (well not really that old) and I am spreading the Christmas cheer. Seriously, I am really ready for Christmas now. I can’t emphasise how crappy a year this year has been so actually having something fun to celebrate is going to be a life saver.

I mean seriously, this year has been AWFUL. I have been ill for the whole year (again), and there has been no light at the end of the tunnel. My uncle, who I was so incredibly close to, passed away after a long battle with cancer. This man, gosh, he was just amazing. He was brave; he was a fighter. He was so inspirational. And to think that he is no longer with us is just the most painful thing I have experienced in a long long time.

If that wasn’t all, my brother and father have both been in hospital and my Mum has battled along through all of it. She’s also so strong and an unbelievable trooper. She’d do anything for the family. In fact, both my parents would and they are such amazing parents and people. So it’s been hard seeing them suffer with their ailments in addition to the tragedy my family has had to bear with this year.

And then, I have been single for a LONG time.  Dating is a nightmare. I tried online dating but that was not a good experience. I never knew so many people were so vain and superficial. That or I am just incredibly boring and ugly. I don’t think that’s the case. at least I think it’s not.

So with all the bad stuff that has happened this year, it’s time for us to have a break from it all and I fully intend this Christmas to be as amazing as possible. I only have a few days left now before the end of my working year (7 I think) and then I am free to relax, be merry, drink copious amounts of alcohol and eat lots of good food and watch many a good movie. I intend to also do everything I can to ensure that my family have the best time. I have already sorted their presents out and I’m so excited to give them. I really hope they like them. And I am doing everything I can in the interim to reign in my OCD and depression for the holidays. Now I know that it isn’t something that you can just switch off but I am going to fight it for all its worth to make sure I can be there for everyone.  I also intend to make contact with all of my old university friends and non-immediate family. At a time like this, it’s important for us to remember who we care about and I intend to let everyone know that I am thinking of them. And for the time being, well let’s just say that I am watching every Christmas movie I can get my hands on. Today I watched “White Christmas” with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. The old movies are pretty great. I love Christmas films with snow!

But let’s hope that we all can have an incredibly last stint before a fantastic new year. I for one hope it brings some positivity and change and the best of health for everyone I know, including all of you fine people. If an attractive woman turns up my way as well….well, I wouldn’t say no!

Looking forward to sharing these next few weeks with you folks!

David

santa