Enter the Chunk [A Poem]

Have you heard my name? 

It’s not a secret that I hide. 

It may not be up in the stars 

But I wear this badge with pride. 

It comes from simple observation

From wobbles in my tum

No six pack will you find with me 

Though apparently a nice bum. 

They call me chunky monkey 

And my moobs are there to see

I may not be a George Clooney

But there’s no one else like me. 

Lingerie Hey!

Over the past few days, I have noticed a number of girls mention both on here and on other forms of media that while THEY feel sexy in their underwear, they rarely ever get complimented on their underwear. Is this true? I mean, I hope it’s not the case! Yes, you could say that underwear is to a woman’s body what wrapping paper is to a Christmas present and while it may look nice, really it’s what underneath that the receiver is excited about. But actually, it’s more than that isn’t it. It’s an intricate thing. While you might think that the bows and wrappings are overkill, actually it adds to the excitement. It makes you more curious perhaps. It certainly can add to the grandeur of the gift. I know that is a lot of metaphors to throw around but you get my drift. FURTHERMORE, sometimes, the idea of less is more doesn’t always apply to underwear. You may think that just having a thread is sexy but a little bit more can actually be more sexy. 

For example:

THIS is sexy 


While THIS is NOT. 


At the end of the day, it all does come down to taste. But I want to take this time to thank all you ladies who painstakingly go to all the effort to look your best. And while I know that you don’t do it for us men necessarily (it’s to make you feel sexy yourselves),  I want to thank you for the effort you put in to the tiniest detail to make you that little bit more awesome. 

PS. I just want all of you to know that scrolling through pictures of women in lingerie to find appropriate pictures was a gruelling task that I unfortunately had to endure. I am grateful for your sympathies and understanding for my welfare at this time!

Thoughts?

Wacky Signs 2: Return of the Wack

Hey guys and girls,

I thought I’d give you another round of humorous signs since I know you lot enjoyed them and I enjoyed finding them too. So here is a new top 10. Starting at 1…

1. Crazy after club activities in China


Lets all go down to the impregnation room and get our jiggies on, man! Protection NOT optional. 

2. This masseuse does it all. 


Yeah, I hear this place is very hands on if you know what I mean. Good thing they have obscured glass windows. 

3. Nigel Farrage’s home town. 

It isn’t actually Nigel’s home town but you know, it’s the sort of mad British town name that makes you want to cover your face. 

4. Trump Hotels

Haha I couldn’t resist. We all know that no one has more respect for women than he does, honest. He wouldn’t even call Megyn Kelly a bimbo because it wasn’t “politically correct”. 

Note the following:



Yes, I know, I have a massive crush on Megyn Kelly blah blah blah but it still doesn’t change that Trump is a jerk and a mysogonist 

5. Let’s Dance


Lol! Someone must have had good fun making this sign! Who wants to swing their hips with me? (DANCING YOU PERVERTS!)

6. The Giving Man

That explains why women like men with loose tongues. Usually, that’s helped with a few alcoholic beverages. 

7. The Klan is now building parks?


I guess it can’t be much fun though with all the burning crosses and such. 

8. I love breakfast food. 


I wonder if they have cream or maple syrup. Both could be fun but I’d be worried you are more likely to attract bugs with the syrup. 

9. My lawn is making me paranoid. 


It’s smiling? Next it will be talking. I think someone needs therapy. 

10. Damn it!

And I thought any item that requires careful fitting is try before you buy?