What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her

I had a flashback today to my university years and a conversation that I had with one of my housemates at the time. I don’t remember the exact time of the year but the days were definitely getting shorter. It was a pretty eventful time really. We were preparing for examinations (Three of us were anyway) and there was a lot of “personal turmoil” going on. I was becoming more and more of a recluse at the time, a knock on effect from the unhappiness I was experiencing as a girl who I very much cared for had began getting serious with another man. I suppose it didn’t help that I and another housemate were both very single and for a very long time while our two other housemates were in relationships. One of them, a very nice guy was spending a lot of time with his girlfriend (now wife) while the other was seeing a girl himself. This guy – he was always a bit strange. He liked to think of himself as quite edgy and cool; he listened to rock music and liked to wear lots of leather and latex. A poser basically. But anyway. He was dating this girl called Fiona (not her real name) who from all accounts was a really nice girl. 

Apparently, he had made his mind up that she was the girl he wanted and he relentlessly pursued her till she gave in. They also had a threesome on my friends mattress with some other random girl (it was early in their relationship and he, well, he lifted my friend’s mattress out of his bedroom, took it into the lounge and did it there – why they couldn’t use his own bed I will never know..). It was a strange deal though. As I understand it, she was quite impressionable and he had convinced her to do this threesome deal but afterwards should had reservations he wanted something serious which he told her he did so the officially became exclusive. 

So they were dating. And after the end of the first semester, we all went back home to our families. Apparently over the holidays, Mr Poser had put an advert out over the internet that he was looking for models and had even visited them at their homes. I thought it was suspect at the time but as I was not around – I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After the holidays, we get back and go back to our regular studies. One night, one of my other housemates and I come back to our house and no one seems to be home. So we head upstairs and unpack and just chill following the long day. Suddenly Poser’s door opens and out he comes with his shirt off and a woman we haven’t seen before. She says hello and seems okay but leaves quite quickly and he comes upstairs to say hey. 

He tells us her name was “Elmo”.  I’m not joking. Elmo. He tells all about how he met her at his college and how she seems really cool. Apparently she has a boyfriend but he happily shared with us that he had sex with her. 
“Yeah, I can’t see it becoming anything” he exclaimed. “She’s fun but she’s got a really crap taste in music. Her sister is quite hot though”. Intrigued, I apologise saying that I hadn’t realised that he had broken up with Fiona. He hadn’t. He said that it is what it is and that he wasn’t going to say no when the opportunity came about. We had a long chat (all three of us, including my other housemate) about the situation. While we both disagreed, he argued that the issue with cheating has nothing to do with morality. “Sex  is sex” he would say. And it didn’t have to be coupled with any feeling. He believed (and on all accounts still believes) that cheating is only bad if it hurts somebodies feelings. And as he and the girl he just slept with will never tell Fiona, she would never get hurt. So it’s fine. After all, in his mind, he would still be the same considerate and doting boyfriend. They will still do stuff together. He will still be there for her. He just does that in addition to sleeping with other people. 

As someone who values fidelity, I struggled with this logic. I asked him if he would be okay if the roles were reversed. How would HE feel if FIONA was sleeping with other guys all the time while she was telling him she loved him. He said he’d be fine with it himself. And anyway, if he didn’t know about it, and it didn’t affect their relationship, so what? I couldn’t help but find flaws in his argument. 

Now, I have always been quite a dedicated/loyal sort of guy. I had my first real little crush when I was 9/10 and then another small crush at 10/11 before really liking someone aged 11/12. This girl I really liked and for the entire time I liked her, I couldn’t look at another girl. In fact, when I was 13, there was a girl in my class who had a crush on me and she got her friend to ask me out. I gallantly replied “I’m sorry but I’m in love with someone else”. I carried on having this crush well until I was 16 where I decided that I should try broadening my horizons and proceeded to fancy a lot of people each day. I think at that point I just wanted a girlfriend. Then when I was 18 and went to uni, I fell in love and that time, I was really messed up. I literally couldn’t look at another woman for years and when I tried, the memory of her came back, even despite friends trying to set me up. So yeah, I’ve always found it hard to be invested in someone and look at someone else. I guess part of that is that my parents have been happily married for years and I have always strived to have the same. He on the other hand, had his parents break up when he was young though his Dad married again and had a settled family so I don’t know if they had anything to do with it. For me, it has always been straightforward though. If you love someone, you do everything you can to make them happy AND you don’t do anything that can hurt them. And whether or whether not she knows about it, if your actions could or maybe I should say would hurt them, then it’s not right. Being with other people is not being devoted. Perhaps that’s why marriages fail so often because people don’t know what they are getting into?

Regardless, if you are not devoted to someone, you shouldn’t be married to them. Which is why to this day I am shocked they ended up getting married. I know he cheated on her countless times and I know she has no idea. Funnily enough, given that he knew I struggled with my conscience, he did his best to limit her and I getting to know one another until we finished uni and then we’d talk on what was the old MSN messenger. And I then did get to know her. Which then made it all the harder knowing what he was getting up to when he asked me to be his best man. He said that he really wanted me to do the honour. When he asked, I thought about it but I eventually declined. I never told him directly why but there could have been no way that I could have ever supported the wedding. Not long after I declined his offer, I began to distance myself from him and not long after, I stopped speaking with him all together. 

As I understand it, they are still together now. So perhaps he was right. But regardless, I will never be that person.

Let it go

Huzzah! 2016 is finally gone and we have a whole new year ahead of us. I can’t stress enough how happy I am that last year is over. It was a bloody awful year in truth. Politics aside, 2016 was a year of tragedy. I started 2016 with awful news. My uncle was no longer responding to his cancer therapy and time was not on his side. Just three weeks later, he was gone. And while the last few years have not been good – I’ve suffered with bad health for nearly five years now – this blow was a big one. As you know, I suffer from depression, OCD and general anxiety disorder. My uncle was one of the few people I have opened up to besides my Mum and Dad. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about my illnesses but rather I don’t want to have the hassle of being judged by people negatively for it. People are funny creatures and many still follow the idea that mental illness is a sign of weakness rather than sickness and I really never want to have to deal with that prejudice. It was hard enough explaining to people that I could no longer travel long distances into work when I suffered my other health-related issues and I’ve had to deal with occupational health visits and the like already. Anyway, I digress. So, my uncle was one of the few people I shared this information with.  He and my aunt are both wonderful people, truly the nicest people, and they both were so understanding. I never had put on any airs or graces with them and I could just be me. So when I heard the news that there was nothing more that could be done for him, it was really hard though nothing could have really prepared me for the news of his passing. Nearly 12 months on, the world still doesn’t seem quite right. I have regrets too. Like, he always wanted me to visit him more often in America. My anxiety, being the way it is, never really allowed me that opportunity. The idea of visiting an unfamiliar place and being away from my Mum and Dad scared me a lot. I worried about how I would cope if I broke down or how they would cope without me (My Mum, bless her, needs her family close as she worries when they are not in sight and I always worry about how my actions impact her, especially with how much she already has to deal with). So, going away from my parents never really seemed a non-starter. And now that he is no longer with us, I do feel bitter. Bitter that I’ll never get that time with him; time which he would willingly give me. I hate my anxiety for that. What also eats at me is that I never played him more at Xbox. We played a fair bit. In truth, he got me into Xbox. It was a way that me and him could shoot the breeze, play some soccer online (we loved FIFA) and just destress. Things got quite competitive at times and whenever he saw me online, he’d want to play. But I wasn’t always up for playing. Sometimes, I’d hide offline so he wouldn’t ask me to play when I wasn’t in the mood. I feel really guilty for that. Honestly, I would do anything to play him again. I miss him terribly. Last September, when the annual version of FIFA came out, I bought it but I haven’t even taken it out of its wrapper yet. The thought of him not being there to play it with me is too hard. I don’t know how I could ever enjoy it without him. And every time I was on FIFA, it would be to play him. It just seems pointless without him now. I cannot imagine how my aunt copes but the world seems less bright without him. The last time I played him at FIFA was early January 2016. By that time, he was dosed up on morphine and he wasn’t that lucid. He FaceTimed us and was chatting to my mother and me and said to me that he wanted a game of FIFA. And though the transition from downstairs to my bedroom is a laborious task of decontamination, I said yes. Of course I said yes. I ran upstairs, changed clothes, washed myself quickly and logged on. When we got into the game, he couldn’t figure out how to start a match, which he could usually do with his eyes closed. He asked my Aunt to help out and she set it up for him. He was just out of it. And when we played, he struggled. He had little control. In truth, if I had tried, I’d have made light work. But I didn’t want to try. I just played with one hand. I wanted him to enjoy the experience as best as he could because the truth be told I was terrified. Even though he could barely play, he won 3 games to 1. And I don’t care that I didn’t try, I just wanted him to be happy. It didn’t really register at the time that it would be one of the last times, if not the last time we’d ever speak. I just know that we got to play again and that he won. What sticks in my mind also is that even though he was just about with it, he told me after he beat me for the third time that “it just wasn’t my night and that I should shoot better on goal”. 

 Last year, I was able to include a short dedication to him in one of my publications. It’s not enough. But it’s all that I could do. There is an important lesson though. Never take anyone for granted and make the most of the time you have with the people that mean the most it. If there is a heaven, and I have never hoped more that there is one, I hope he knows that he meant the world to me; and I hope he knows that all those rejections to visit him when he offered were not a reflection of my love for him but because of the entrapment of my own issues. He has been one of the most influential people in my life. I will love him forever. And while each day is hard without him, the ONLY saving grace is that he is now at peace and that he no longer suffers.  As for now, I just not to remind myself that life is fleeting and not to forget that no matter how much the rest of my family can get on my nerves at times, just like I can on their nerves, that they are my only family. I hope they know how much I love them all, how my parents are my rock, and how I could not manage each day without them. I can never thank them enough for how they’ve supported me with my education, with putting a roof over my head and food on my plate and how they have made me feel loved. I admittedly can be a jerk at times. Sometimes I have my mental illness as my reason behind it. Other times, it’s just me being a jerk. But I love them dearly. 

But with the above alone, 2016 would have been a horrid year. I’ve also had a tough year for other reasons. Indeed, I have had one of the worst years of OCD in my life. I have had trouble with my teeth, a visit or two to accident and emergency because of my health issues, seeing both my brother and father go in for surgery and an Uncle struggle with his memory. Professionally, life has not been much better. This year, I have felt overlooked and for the most part unappreciated with my job. I got passed up for a promotion twice in the year despite my long service to the company and despite the fact that I have had to cover other people’s asses numerous times at the expense of my own work. Truth is, if I hadn’t been unwell, I would have probably said “enough is enough”. But given that finding another job as someone who is technically handicapped in terms of what he can do and travelling (I’m not handicapped – at least not to the degree that some people are and would never say that my plight is anywhere near as bad as some people but you get what I mean I hope), it’s not the easiest thing to do. Plus change scares me. My anxiety  again. Turning my back on the security that I have would be a potentially reckless thing if I had no viable alternative). So, I’m kind of stuck. 

And then there is my general health and wellbeing. It’s been pretty bad. That being said, I have tried to make baby steps with my mental health, more needs to be done. I will never be free until I break from the confines of my poor health. But really, that isn’t something specific to 2016 but ongoing so while it is bad, it’s not unique to the year. Given my lack of physical condition and my chronic low self esteem and social anxiety, I have once again found it hard to connect to people. It’s been a lonely one romantically. I keep telling myself maybe next year but it’s usually the same. Each year seems to hurt just that little bit more. 

If that wasn’t enough, 2016 was a year of severe international unrest. There was Brexit, which to this day, I still can’t quite fathom. What went through the minds of the people of Britain? One thing that’s for certain is that I can’t imagine a future where we won’t live to regret our decision. March 2017 will be interesting as that will be then we officially begin our exit when we submit article 50. Buckle your seat belts folks, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. But hey, at least we don’t have Trump. Unfortunately though, that is something my aunt will have to endure. 

So why am I telling you all this? Well, I guess it’s because I want you to know there is a little more substance behind the man who posts cheeky stories, who comments about body positivity and who writes poems about boobs. At least partly. Also, I tell you this because I hope that 2017 gives us something different. I want 2017 to stand for something more. Something better for all. And while I can’t imagine that we won’t be without some trials and tribulations with the governments that we have and with the general feeling of global discontent that we live through, especially when you consider how the people of Syria must be suffering now, I hope that we can together move forward to something special. I want 2017 to be filled with prosperity. It’s time to let go of all the sadness, while learning from our mistakes, and move forward. Otherwise, where will we be?  I don’t think I could even survive another 2016. I don’t think I’d even want to. I want to be able to want to make it. Does this mean that I will have to be proactive? Quite possibly. Does this mean that I will have to put myself in uncomfortable situations? Very probably. But if the outcome is happiness, then we have to go for it right? If not, then what’s the point?

I wish you all happiness in 2017. 

Devoted woman who will not leave her paralysed partner’s side. 

I heard another heartwarming story today that I wanted to share with you all. This one comes from Guangxi in China. 

The tragic but heartwarming story  is of a 27-year-old woman, who patiently looks after her fiancé after he had become paralyzed following a work-related accident. 

Liao Mingpei, got to know her fiance, Jiang Pengfei, in 2009 when she worked in Guangxi’s Baise city. And not long after that, the two fell in love. 

The couple did not have the easiest of times either. Because of bizarre circumstances, the couple were not allowed to tie the knot. Apparently, for some unexplained reason, Jiang’s age was registered on his hukou as three years younger than his real age. And if you weren’t aware, China’s Marital Law dictates that men have to be 22 years old to get married, while women must be 20. This caused further issues when Liao became pregnant and their daughter was born out of wedlock.

Sadly, things took an even sharper turn for the worse in August of 2015. Jiang was badly injured and became paralyzed after a piece of metal fell onto his head at work, damaging his skull. The family exhausted their savings to pay for his medical care, which put them 120,000 yuan in debt. According to the Shanghaiist, Jiang is also not fully conscious. 

In a cruel world, Liao could have just picked up her daughter and walked out on Jiang. Indeed, this is the same world where Newt Gingrich served his wife divorce papers the day after she had an operation to remove tumours. But no, Liao remained dedicated to her partner. Indeed, she has patiently looked after Jiang every day afterward. When he needs to drink water, she gives him an injection. When he needs to get something out of his throat, she turns him over to one side and pats his back. Furthermore, each day, Liao and Jiang’s mother also hike up into the mountains to collect herbs. After they come back home, they boil the herbs and help Jiang take a bath.

To this day, Liao dreams that one day Jiang will wake up and they will hold their daughter’s hands and shoot a series of wedding photos. When questioned by reporters, Liao beautifully stated that “A day together as ‘one’ means endless devotion for the rest of your life.”

Here’s wishing that Jiang makes a full recovery and that one day this couple can have the wedding photos that had always hoped they’d have. 

The forever sort of love

I heard this beautiful and sad story today that I wanted to share with you all. Just so you know it’s 100% true. The story revolves around a devoted couple who could not bear to be parted during their 60-year relationship and who died peacefully in their sleep within four days of each other.

Ex-RAF serviceman Edward Davies (who was 84 years of age) had been with the love of his life Louie (82) for 64 years after they met at a dance in 1952.

On October 15, as she lay frail in her hospital bed, Edward held Louie’s hand and told her she was the only woman he had loved, seconds before she passed away.

Four days later, on October 19 – after planning his wife’s “perfect” funeral – Mr Davies also went peacefully to sleep on his stroke ward and never woke up. Their only daughter Anne commented that she knew her parents couldn’t stand to be apart, even in death. 

While Louie was in hospital, Edward stayed in the stroke recovery ward opposite. And everyday, he would go and sit next to her so he could hold her hand as time passed.

The lifelong lovers, who came from the leafy Cheshire village of Lymm in England, met at a dance in 1952 at the Dingle Hotel in their village. The story goes that Louie had spotted the tall RAF serviceman during the night but waited till the ladies’ choice song came to approach him and asked him to dance. The couple married 7 years later in 1959 in their home village. Edward later would leave the RAF and trained as a painter and decorator. Then in 1963, Louie gave birth to their daughter Anne, whom was unexpected but happily welcomed after doctors had told them they would never be able to have children. The three of them were very close and spent much of their time together as a close knit family.

This is Lymm

The happy day.

Earlier this year, both of them were admitted to hospital; Louie was admitted due to health complications while Edward was recovering from a stroke. The pair were destined to be together as even when Louie’s condition worsened and she moved hospital, another bed in the same hospital opened up allowing Edward to move there also. 
Their daughter proudly spoke about how Edward would sit with her, they chatted, drank tea and just enjoyed each other’s company – just like they have always done since they met.

As I mentioned earlier, on Louie’s last day, Edward told her that she was the only woman that he had ever loved. He gave her a red rose and thanked her for everything she had ever done for him, their family and for their daughter. A few days later after planning his wife’s funeral, he too passed away. 

A joint funeral was held for the couple on what would have been their 57th wedding anniversary. Their wedding hymn O Perfect Love was played at the funeral. 

While obviously tragic for their daughter, losing both her parents so close together, one thing is true is that the two of them were destined to stay together forever. And whether you believe in a life after death or not, this story is just so moving. I could only hope to have someone with whom I could be so dedicated too. 

What do I want in a partner?

You know, one thing that I have never had a problem with is finding someone physically attractive. I don’t mean that I’m easy. I just mean that usually, there is always something about a person that is attractive, whether it be a nice smile or pretty eyes or even a nice pair of legs. I think most people are actually pretty good looking. 
It’s what is inside that makes the difference. 

I’m sure a lot of you will tut or sigh and say that this is just a line but it’s the honest truth. In fact, if you put a dating app in front of me and asked me to go just based on pictures, I would likely easily pick numerous girls that I’d be interested in on a preliminary basis. I definitely wouldn’t use a person’s skin colour, shape or bra size as a reason not to be with someone. If you connect with someone, you often find that all the superficial things tend to just melt away and vanish into nothingness. 

I always found with online dating that I could message 7 or 8 people and get into a conversation with them and end up having no attraction to them purely based on personality. Like I said, most people are pretty. And while the initial attraction might bring me to the dance, it’s the conversation and shared goals and feelings that will keep me sticking around. 

It’s the chemistry that I crave. I think I’m a warm person and if you and I get on, chases on that we’ll slow cook nicely.  I love talking about this that and everything else and if you can maintain that conversation, then you’d probably get me intrigued. Obviously this automatically locks out when I’m in a relationship but I’m like a mobile phone searching for a router to connect with. 

I think it’s my philosophy on women and dating that scares me about how I am perceived. Indeed, there are a small portion of people that you are instantly unattracted to. It might be a vibe they give or perhaps they just give the impression that they don’t care about how they come across or don’t even make an effort to be presentable.  And no, I’m not saying dolly up but if you are out to date someone, you know, you at least hope that that person doesn’t look like they’ve not showered in three weeks.  But I digress. What scares me if I am in that minority of the population that no one sees any redeeming personal or physical attraction to. I know that  not good looking – this worries me and scares me all at the same time. I ask myself if anyone will ever be attracted to me. It seems so unlikely. 

But I’m just looking for someone that I don’t have to feel like I’m straining to enjoy the company of. Someone who I can be myself around and not worry that something I will do or say might be offensive or seem stupid. I want someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. Someone who I can lie in bed with at night and just talk about anything and everything with. I want someone who I can share my life with and share adventures with. I feel like I’m wanting a lot by wanting this but I want to feel like I’m connected to someone. That’s what confuses me about how people date sometimes. I feel like they can pick people up and put them down. I want someone who if I experience something cool, I can text them or call them right away because I want to share that with them. I want to experience that closeness. Not someone who is like a new hobby. And I know I know, you won’t always share everything in common but to me, the dream is finding someone who you want and to do as much as possible with. 

I don’t know if I’m delusional or a dreamer or a romantic or whatever. I just know I haven’t found what I’m looking for. And hey, it’s tough. 

Dating Profiles and “Selling” Yourself

I wanted to spend some time today reflecting on something I have made a conscientious effort on over the last couple of years – online dating. These days, I think it’s pretty common. Meeting people isn’t easy is it and online dating offers you a way of broadening your selection. Even as little as five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined doing it but everything changed in 2015 after a most random conversation with my Mum. 

Dating has never been easy for me. When I was younger, I always developed feelings for people far too easy. Or I’d get close to someone and grow attached and I’d bottle that feeling up because I was afraid of rejection. At school, I had a major crush on the same girl for 7 years. Then when I went to university for my first degree, I fell in love for the first time and that became one hell of a crazy ride. I won’t go into the specifics but it didn’t end well and I ended up deeply in love with a person who had fallen for someone else and it took me quite some time to even accept or get used to that. I became very reserved after that, even more so than I was before and I only really snapped out of that 7 years later. And even so, it hit me hard when I heard she got married and more so when she had her first baby. But I digress. 

So anyway, I had a chat with my Mum and she said I should give it a go. I was sceptical. You see, four years ago, I became rather sick. Not like the flu style sick but life altering long term kind of sickness. I became mostly housebound, which meant less socialising and meeting new people. My means of meeting potential Mrs David had vanished. After a few years, my dear sweet Mum told me that I should try out online dating, which I swear was driven partially out of her desire for grandchildren. But anyway, I agreed and I signed up for Match.com at first. I was really excited but also afraid. You see, being sick meant that my body has changed drastically. At first, I lost 98 lbs in the space of some 4 months. Then, when I got put on treatment, my weight piled back on. These days I am majorly out of shape (not that I ever was in great shape mind you) and this meant that my photos were not as fetching as Joe Blogs topless with his six pack. The fact is, I could never sell myself well. My pictures were unremarkable. I’m a fat guy with a big nose. I’m also not particularly exciting. Sure, I have hobbies but being housebound means that I’m not exactly going to be able to go rock climbing or skydiving or whatever else the crazy kids of today are up to. Basically I’m a bit of a homebody. That doesn’t really match up with active tall dark and handsome. So how do you sell yourself in that position? 

After many months of rejection and insults, I called my time on online dating quits. It was a failed experiment but one that I had to see for myself. For many years, people told me that I’ve got to just put myself out there and I’d meet someone and I did and it didn’t work. Now I know that a guy like me is never going to find it easy in this game. 

So what does a guy like me do?

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Wow it’s the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrr! Ho Ho Ho! Yep it’s me. Jolly old David (well not really that old) and I am spreading the Christmas cheer. Seriously, I am really ready for Christmas now. I can’t emphasise how crappy a year this year has been so actually having something fun to celebrate is going to be a life saver.

I mean seriously, this year has been AWFUL. I have been ill for the whole year (again), and there has been no light at the end of the tunnel. My uncle, who I was so incredibly close to, passed away after a long battle with cancer. This man, gosh, he was just amazing. He was brave; he was a fighter. He was so inspirational. And to think that he is no longer with us is just the most painful thing I have experienced in a long long time.

If that wasn’t all, my brother and father have both been in hospital and my Mum has battled along through all of it. She’s also so strong and an unbelievable trooper. She’d do anything for the family. In fact, both my parents would and they are such amazing parents and people. So it’s been hard seeing them suffer with their ailments in addition to the tragedy my family has had to bear with this year.

And then, I have been single for a LONG time.  Dating is a nightmare. I tried online dating but that was not a good experience. I never knew so many people were so vain and superficial. That or I am just incredibly boring and ugly. I don’t think that’s the case. at least I think it’s not.

So with all the bad stuff that has happened this year, it’s time for us to have a break from it all and I fully intend this Christmas to be as amazing as possible. I only have a few days left now before the end of my working year (7 I think) and then I am free to relax, be merry, drink copious amounts of alcohol and eat lots of good food and watch many a good movie. I intend to also do everything I can to ensure that my family have the best time. I have already sorted their presents out and I’m so excited to give them. I really hope they like them. And I am doing everything I can in the interim to reign in my OCD and depression for the holidays. Now I know that it isn’t something that you can just switch off but I am going to fight it for all its worth to make sure I can be there for everyone.  I also intend to make contact with all of my old university friends and non-immediate family. At a time like this, it’s important for us to remember who we care about and I intend to let everyone know that I am thinking of them. And for the time being, well let’s just say that I am watching every Christmas movie I can get my hands on. Today I watched “White Christmas” with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. The old movies are pretty great. I love Christmas films with snow!

But let’s hope that we all can have an incredibly last stint before a fantastic new year. I for one hope it brings some positivity and change and the best of health for everyone I know, including all of you fine people. If an attractive woman turns up my way as well….well, I wouldn’t say no!

Looking forward to sharing these next few weeks with you folks!



Do you think love at first sight is possible?

“This is going to sound crazy, but… from the moment I first set eyes on you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” – Leigh Fallon, Carrier of the Mark

Have you ever seen someone or met someone and immediately felt like something magical was happening to you. Like a rush of feelings and emotions. I’m not talking about lust either. Sure, you can see someone pretty and be instantly attracted to them. That’s par for the course but can you fall in love?

 There are many reports about love at first sight. Carla Bruni said, for example, that it was love at first sight between her and the former French President Nicolas Sarkozy. She said that what happened “between Nicolas and me was not quick, it was instant.”

But a lot of people are quick to pour cold buckets of water over the notion that it can happen. 

Some people use the argument that love at first sites is never anything more than lust because you don’t really know the person and that you are assigning qualities to a person that may or may not be true. It’s like saying that because Jennifer Lawrence is beautiful and has a warm smile, she is probably a wonderful human being; I mean, I’m sure she is but it is just an assumption. 

The other argument is that you can’t fall in love with someone in a deep way without going through the process or doing things with someone. Like there are various steps that you have to undertake. 

You could argue that you are very perceptive though. A lot of people think they are. What if you could accurately figure out what a person is like? Surely that’s possible?

I think the argument that you can’t fall in love with someone without knowing someone is flawed in the sense that even if your perceptions of someone is right or wrong, the feeling of intense love can be there, whether it is or isn’t based on fact. The fact that love at first sight may perish after a while also does not imply that it was not an intense love. Time is not an exclusive, or even the major, measure of intense love. On the contrary, romantic intensity is likely to subside and even to disappear after a while.

Personally, I think it is possible. Love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances occur to terminate the relationship. Sure it might not be the deep profound love that you develop from being with someone for a long time, it cab nevertheless be extremely intense and powerful. 

The reason I even bring this up is because I wondered myself. It would be incredibly easy to view someone’s blog for example and feel immediately connected to someone in a way. Sure, if they have a gorgeous picture, that might help things but nevertheless, would it be possible?

What do you think?

You fakers!!!!

Interesting little story from the Daily Mirror today. It’s about women who are vocal in bed and what it REALLY means. 

A recent study looked into how vocal women are during sex at Indiana University and what it means. 

“There isn’t a lot of research in this area,” said Kristen Mark, a sexuality researcher at Indiana University told CNN , “but we’re bombarded with images through mainstream media that tell us moaning is associated with orgasm and sexual pleasure.”

“So it would be a fairly wise faking strategy to moan since men already tend to associate moaning with orgasm.”

So what are we saying here? Are we saying that every loud orgasm is faked? Or is it possible for a loud vocalisation to actually represent pleasure?

In 2011, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic in Archives of Sexual Behavior

In the study, 71 sexually active heterosexual women aged between 18 and 48 were asked questions about making noise during sex. Many of the women had admitted to being vocal during sex but also admitted that is wasn’t an indication of pleasure. 
In fact, 66% of the women said that their loud vocalisations (known better as copulatory vocalisations) were to spur on their partner to climax and bring things to an end.  Interestingly, 87% future explained their motivation was to boost their partner’s self-esteem.

If this news wasn’t concerning enough for men, the study highlighted that the odds having a loud orgasm because of penetrative sex decrease.

In fact, the study came to the conclusion that “While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalisations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation.”  Furthermore, the participants of the study ADMITTED that they actually made noise to “RELIEVE BOREDOM” in addition to just being fatigued and/or experiencing pain or  discomfort. 

So I have to say to these lady participants, all those who said that you faked it to boost your partners’ confidence, let’s just hope they didn’t read this. 

It also makes we wonder about a girl I knew from University. She often used to come out of her room in the morning and apologise to us in case she was too loud. But if she was faking it, why didn’t she tone it down slightly? I mean, think of us who are trying to sleep damn it! NOT COOL! I guess it is also a sign that GENTLEMAN, MAKE SURE YOU GET INVOLVED IN FOREPLAY! Women have needs too and if you don’t help them out, then they may even stop faking it!!

You have been warned!