Bras and Boobs (A poem) – not to be taken seriously 

They hold within objects so dear

To many a man who likes a woman 

And in a multitude of materials woven

and colours so varied for one to lust. 

As to whether their support is needed

I am not one to offer judgement 

Though when I see one; or just a strap

My mind begins to wander over

Yes, what they hold will sink a man 

and make him surrender all his honour

Those cushion hammocks are to plunder

If only she would take my number.

A cheeky thought had crossed my mind 

That beauty is far more than a teet

But bouncing bossoms will take me under 

Oh what a sight; a glorious treat. 

A poem about bras

I am trying to write a poem about bras but I can’t make it funny enough. It is really bumming me out.

Who would have thought writing a poem about bras could be so hard? Or that it would be so hard to get something to rhyme with “squishable pillows”.

No, my minder is not in the gutter! Do not look at me that way. I am simply an artist and this blog is my canvas.

I’ll get there…eventually…right?!

Boobs [A poem]

You’ve got to love boobs,

Well at least if you’re male 

It’s hard to say why 

But their charm never fails

It’s not about size

Or how bouncy they are. 

Give me a chance 

And I’ll make them go far 

I’m kidding of course

Though I like them a lot

They can make my day brighter

Yes I think they’re quite hot

My reasons for this

Of that I’m not sure

Maybe I’m tipsy

But my mind is not pure

Though soon I will sleep 

There’s one hope tonight 

That I’ll dream about boobs

Yeah, that would be alright. 

Bras and breast cancer: the deets

I recently saw a post on WordPress that intrigued me. The post was concerning bras and their potential for causing breast cancer. Now, I can honestly say that I’d never heard of this before. But then again, why would I? I don’t make a habit of shopping for bras right? Well, that’s true but I also work in the medical domain so the idea that bras could cause breast cancer did intrigue me and I did some digging. 

The idea that wearing an underwired bra can cause breast cancer has been around since 1995, when Sydney Singer and Soma Grismaijer published their book Dressed to Kill, which claimed there was a link. The idea was revived more recently when a practitioner of alternative medicine wrote an essay on Gwyneth Paltrow’s website, Goop. 

It should be stressed though that none of the people mentioned above are either cancer researchers or certified clinicians. 
If you work in the field of medicine like myself, you become distinctly aware of how research is validated or certified if you will.  Essentially, research, as well as review articles that are valued within the scientific community undergo stringent assessments in the form of peer review (this is where your work is assessed by other scientists in the field). In the top journals, peer review is often blinded, performed by experts and is usually organised so that the researchers are in no way associated to avoid bias. 

It should also be noted that journals are ranked by impact factors. This essentially is determined via the number of citations a journal has over a particular time frame. The best journals have the best articles that are read the most and are cited the most. The top work is usually cited frequently as to be expected. 

With that in mind, it is important to note that Singer and Grismaijer’s “study” was not reviewed by medical experts, nor was it published in a respected journal. According to a version of their story, they interviewed more than 4,000 American women and discovered that women who don’t wear bras have a “1 in 168 chance” of developing breast cancer, as opposed to a “3 in 4 chance for those who wear a bra 24 hours a day”.

Their explanation for this is simply that underwired bras block circulation of lymphatic fluid, causing breasts to swell with what they called “toxins”.  However, the cold truth is that it is unlikely that lymph fluid would be trapped by an underwire, because it doesn’t flow in that direction, and a properly fitting bra prevents breast ligaments from overstretching. 

Scientists have also criticised Dressed to Kill for not taking into account known risk factors for breast cancer, most notably obesity, which increases the likelihood a woman will wear a bra for longer periods.

It should also be noted that a comprehensive 2014 study by the globally respected Fred Hutchinson Cancer Centre in Seattle found that no aspect of bra-wearing was associated with breast cancer risk, and Breast Cancer Now, Cancer Research UK, the American Cancer Society, and the US National Institutes of Health are just a few of the organisations that have stressed the clear lack of evidence that wearing bras increases cancer risk.

This myth that wearing bras can cause breast cancer is actually a cruel one for the very reason that it is perpetuating the idea that breast cancer is purely self inflicted and that breast cancer sufferers are responsible for having this horrible sickness just because they wore a bra. 

For those interested in the risk factors and probable causes of breast cancer, you can check out this informative link HERE from Cancer Research UK. 

Now, I am not going to harp on about the pros and cons of wearing bras. It truly is not for me to decide as man. Personally, I think they look great but should that be a reason to wear them? And from reading various reports, it seems that there is no definitive benefits for wearing them or not wearing them though nothing is conclusive. So I guess what I’m saying is that I suppose it is a personal choice whether you do or you don’t. Either way, if you like your bras, I feel it is important that you are aware of the facts as they are. And until more data comes out that states otherwise, I think it is safe to assume that your bra will not kill you. 

A tale of bums or butts and the bigger picture 

I know that I’m probably late coming on to this conversation but I decided to chip in anyway. I’m talking about this whole fake bum dealio. Now, before I get going. I want to say that I didn’t want to believe that people got implants for their butts. Obviously I’ve heard about boob jobs and I’ve even heard of guys getting calf implants but on your bum? Really?

I read this article on the VH1 website with Dr Douglas Steinbrech, a US-certified plastic surgeon who waded in on the whole real vs fake debate. 

Steinbrech said all the obvious things; “Look at the ratio between the waist and their backside. If it looks too good to be true, it’s probably not true.” Well! That pretty much puts to bed my theory about Nicki Minaj. 

But what exactly do they do??

“Implants are silicone implants – [it’s] not like a bag, it’s more like a gummy bear. It’s the same quality as muscle, but it feels like muscle gel which is really what people want. A nice contour for the glutes of their butt. That’s an option for patients that don’t have a lot of fat or patients who have a little fat but want to go further than with what they can do with fat injections. Fat injections are an amazing option because we can use your own body’s fat, and who doesn’t want that? I don’t throw away any fat. For the butt, I take all that fat from the love handles, the abs, that flat tire that women get underneath your belly button. If you just take that fat and pull it out and throw it away, when that patient goes back and has some calories — a cheeseburger at McDonald’s — the fatty acids have got to find existing liposites in your body. And that’s why it’s so important to have [them] moved to somewhere where you want them to be. Guess what? When you have a cheeseburger it’s just going to make your booty a little bit bigger.”  

Well I guess the good news for me is that if I wanted to, with my love handles, I could look like Kim Kardashian in next to no time. 

It’s a little bizarre though the lengths that some women and men will go to for “perfection”. Kim Kardashian is a naturally beautiful woman. She looks exotic, she has amazing hair and she is incredibly pretty. So what was the need? Steinbrech reckons it’s a “J-Lo thing”.  Another thing that struck me was that Steinbrech felt that it was in part down to the fact that men these days look at more than breasts. Well, that’s true I suppose but since when have women been obligated to look good for men. It just re-enforces my fear that we are living, more than ever, in a superficial society where looks and possessions mean everything. And look, it’s not that I’m saying that I don’t like nice things. But also, when I get something nice, it’s not to show other people. It’s for me. It’s not about me being cooler or more accepted and half the time people are doing things for social status or in the Kardashians’ case, to make more money and be famous. 

But it’s not just a girl thing anymore…

Men are feeling more and more pressured to look good and meet the ever increasing standards set for them by the media and by women in general. This is something that I distinctly experienced when I was online dating. The women that I met wanted everything, the entire package, and while I don’t object to anyone wanting the best for themselves, I also can admit that I can’t meet those standards on every level and that is quite depressing for me. 

These days I can’t help but feel that women want a man who is totally ripped. These men have to also be well endowed, successful, intelligent, funny etc etc. And Hollywood tells us that these guys are out there so why should they not? Ladies would argue that men do exactly the same thing! Chris Pratt weighed in with as much. 

“I think it’s appalling that for a long time only women were objectified, but I think if we really want to advocate for equality, it’s important to even things out. Not objectify women less, but objectify men just as often as we objectify women,” Pratt explains. “There are a lot of women who got careers out of it, and I’m using it to my advantage. And at the end of the day, our bodies are objects.”

Indeed Chris Pratt would be the first to admit that his career changed after he changed the way he looked. As for me? I’m not sure that I’m either comfortable with the fact that a) we have essentially degraded  people simply into objects rather than beings and b) being able to meet the lofty standards set these days. Again, women would argue that these sort of criterion are what they have had to live by for years and that’s definitely not right. The concerning thing is that rather than addressing this obvious issue, we are encouraging it on a wider scale. Hell, my worries over my looks and my weight (granted that these are the results of medical problems but that isn’t to say that women would judge me any different because of that) have made me think whether it would be better for me to just starve myself. Now how healthy is that?

I’m genuinely concerned that we as a society are going down a dangerous path and I for one cannot see myself ever finding any romantic fulfilment unless something drastically changes i.e. I lose 6 or 7 stone and become more successful or intelligent. And none of those things look like they are happening. Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself! But these things don’t sit well with me. 

I miss Summer (Poem)

I miss the days of summer
though they have not long passed
the days of long warm weather
i knew they’d never last

Short skirts and plunging tops
No more this year i’ll see
My jaw will much less drop
Unless it’s on TV.

But my sadness is not for boobs
Though I like them all the same
For my mind is not that crude,
The reality far more tame

I’ll miss the heat that warms my skin
The long light evenings
So even though it’s Christmas soon
The summer, my heart will be in.