Recently, I’ve been reading some very interesting articles as well as Reddit posts and Yahoo Q&As on a topic close to my heart. As someone who has always struggled with his weight, I have always found it difficult to form intimate relationships with people of the opposite sex. You see, you get this idea that you are worthless; that you are unable to attract women because you are fat and half the time you don’t even bother trying. It’s tough. However, my experiences as a singleton are far from unique. In 2011, 70,000 men were polled by ASK and Cosmopolitan Magazine indicated that nearly half of the men they polled would dump their girlfriend if she was “fat” while nearly 25% of women polled would dump their partner if they got fat. It’s really a rather disturbing statistic.
I was wondering what your thoughts were on dating someone that was overweight. I don’t want to get too serious about the whole situation or play the proverbial violin. I realise you ladies don’t want to get squashed making love after all! (Though you do know that the guy doesn’t have to go on top!). But it’s a hard one. I realise that initial attraction and attraction in general is more than just a personality thing. You can find a person to be enchanting, inspirational, brilliant and so forth but that doesn’t mean that you want to sleep with them. Physical attraction isn’t something that you can completely ignore. I understand this. Yet, I find myself quite bitter about it anyway. I guess it’s partly because of the stigma attached with being a fat person. If you are fat, then people think you are lazy or that you don’t care about yourself or your appearance. They think that all you do is eat junk food. In many ways, they treat you like a subhuman. I’ve been walking down the street before and I’ve had someone wind down their windows just to make fun of me or to throw something at me. Yes, I am 20 stone. Am I happy about this? No. Is it because I’m lazy? No. Actually, in 2012, I became extremely unwell. I ended up in critical care in fact. I lost nearly 7 stone in weight and was at a great natural weight. But then, as the months went on, so did the medications – medications that I needed to get through the day. Sadly, the consequence of this was some quite heavy weight gain. And now that I find it hard to exercise vigorously because of my health, the fact that these drugs negatively affect my metabolism means that I have gained substantial weight. Does it make me look attractive? Okay, probably not. But when people use that as a reason not to be with you, it sucks. Like I said though, I DO understand. I really do. It’s an attraction thing and you can’t ignore it. Plus I have a big nose ha ha so that can’t help.
I do really love this “body positivity” movement though. Just check the Body Positive Babe who has a blog here. I have the utmost admiration for her and her confidence. Her photos also do little good for my blood pressure too I should add! But I wish I had her confidence. People shouldn’t be ashamed of how they look! I think that it’s important that people stay healthy, and I mean that not to impress others but purely for longevity. But then again, it’s your life and you can choose what to do with it. However, the idea that people would dump their partner just because they were too heavy makes me very sad. It’s the implication that your weight is such an important factor to someone that they would again use it as a reason not to be with you. It’s not really that fantastic a romance is it? It’s saying – “you were fun to be around but now you are chunky I’m no longer interested”. How do these people survive pregnancy?
It’s not too surprising that people think romance is dead these days. The great love stories of old spoke nothing of true love that was maintained by a treadmill. Imagine Romeo and Juiliet…”Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night. ” – unless she gets fat, then I’ll be off alright!
What I’m really saying in the end is that while I understand that people say there is a need for an attraction, or even a physical attraction, is this attraction really that binary? Should every man look like Jared Leto and every woman look like Beyoncé? Is attraction really that straightforward? Can it be measured by the definition of your abdominal muscles or by the size of your breasts? I really hope we don’t live in a world that superficial.