Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope you are well. 

I wanted to write to you because you know, you’re a cool guy and I thought you’d hear me out. Seriously sorry about the North Pole and the ice caps melting. I mean, it’s not like it’s all my fault but I could be doing more I guess. But anyway…

Like I said, I think you are a cool guy and I’m not just saying that to be flattering. Flattery never worked for me with women so I’m not about to try it now anyway! Christmas is swiftly approaching though and I’m pretty sure I’m on the naughty list this year. Why? Because I’m a pain in the ass (excuse the language). That and I don’t feel like I’ve been particularly good this year. I mean, it’s not like you are going to put Jennifer Lawrence wrapped in a bow under my Christmas tree anyway but I still feel bad. 

I guess I feel guilty for a number of things though. I feel bad that I’m such a pain for my family. I know I have illnesses blah blah blah but it’s still unfair on them. And the cats. Sometimes they just want to greet me and I back away because I don’t want them to touch me. God I love OCD. 

I also haven’t been the best of friends this year. Sure, I’ve chatted with some old friends this year but I feel like I should be doing more to stay in touch. The same with some other family members. 

I’ve also been stupid and a tad smutty at times. Yes, it’s true, it’s said in jest 100% of the time but I’m sure it doesn’t always give a great impression. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. Maybe my New Years resolution will be to be less smutty. It’s so hard though! (That’s what she said!) SEE! It’s funny though because I can be so cheeky with this sort of thing but I’m such a pussycat. And man oh man do I hate being single. 

One thing is for sure is that I’ve worked hard on my job this year. The results are obvious. Yeah it’s true that I am bitter that my efforts get overlooked though. I wish they would give me more recognition but I’m sure most people feel that way about their employers. 

I really miss my uncle. I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year now since he passed away. He was just the greatest guy. Like my mum says, he was a ray of sunshine. I miss chatting to him about stuff. He was more like a brother than an uncle to me. I also feel so bad for my aunt. She’s going to be alone without him for the first time this year. 

I realise this letter to you is a mixed bag but hey that’s kind of like me. Part silly, part serious. But I mean what I say. I do feel guilty and I acknowledge and am saddened by the pain that my family and such have gone through this year. I really love them all. 

Hopefully I’ve been good enough not to just get some coal this year. If I could have one wish though, it would be for everyone I know and care about to have a wonderful Christmas and a prosperous new year. In fact, I wish that for everyone. Because life is hard for many people and they deserve a break. I don’t want any presents or money or anything. Just happiness for everyone. Oh and if you can add to that a date with Miss Lawrence, I wouldn’t object…no? Okay okay. You can’t blame a guy for trying. 

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays,

David