What do I want in a partner?

You know, one thing that I have never had a problem with is finding someone physically attractive. I don’t mean that I’m easy. I just mean that usually, there is always something about a person that is attractive, whether it be a nice smile or pretty eyes or even a nice pair of legs. I think most people are actually pretty good looking. 
It’s what is inside that makes the difference. 

I’m sure a lot of you will tut or sigh and say that this is just a line but it’s the honest truth. In fact, if you put a dating app in front of me and asked me to go just based on pictures, I would likely easily pick numerous girls that I’d be interested in on a preliminary basis. I definitely wouldn’t use a person’s skin colour, shape or bra size as a reason not to be with someone. If you connect with someone, you often find that all the superficial things tend to just melt away and vanish into nothingness. 

I always found with online dating that I could message 7 or 8 people and get into a conversation with them and end up having no attraction to them purely based on personality. Like I said, most people are pretty. And while the initial attraction might bring me to the dance, it’s the conversation and shared goals and feelings that will keep me sticking around. 

It’s the chemistry that I crave. I think I’m a warm person and if you and I get on, chases on that we’ll slow cook nicely.  I love talking about this that and everything else and if you can maintain that conversation, then you’d probably get me intrigued. Obviously this automatically locks out when I’m in a relationship but I’m like a mobile phone searching for a router to connect with. 

I think it’s my philosophy on women and dating that scares me about how I am perceived. Indeed, there are a small portion of people that you are instantly unattracted to. It might be a vibe they give or perhaps they just give the impression that they don’t care about how they come across or don’t even make an effort to be presentable.  And no, I’m not saying dolly up but if you are out to date someone, you know, you at least hope that that person doesn’t look like they’ve not showered in three weeks.  But I digress. What scares me if I am in that minority of the population that no one sees any redeeming personal or physical attraction to. I know that  not good looking – this worries me and scares me all at the same time. I ask myself if anyone will ever be attracted to me. It seems so unlikely. 

But I’m just looking for someone that I don’t have to feel like I’m straining to enjoy the company of. Someone who I can be myself around and not worry that something I will do or say might be offensive or seem stupid. I want someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. Someone who I can lie in bed with at night and just talk about anything and everything with. I want someone who I can share my life with and share adventures with. I feel like I’m wanting a lot by wanting this but I want to feel like I’m connected to someone. That’s what confuses me about how people date sometimes. I feel like they can pick people up and put them down. I want someone who if I experience something cool, I can text them or call them right away because I want to share that with them. I want to experience that closeness. Not someone who is like a new hobby. And I know I know, you won’t always share everything in common but to me, the dream is finding someone who you want and to do as much as possible with. 

I don’t know if I’m delusional or a dreamer or a romantic or whatever. I just know I haven’t found what I’m looking for. And hey, it’s tough.