Dating Profiles and “Selling” Yourself

I wanted to spend some time today reflecting on something I have made a conscientious effort on over the last couple of years – online dating. These days, I think it’s pretty common. Meeting people isn’t easy is it and online dating offers you a way of broadening your selection. Even as little as five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined doing it but everything changed in 2015 after a most random conversation with my Mum. 

Dating has never been easy for me. When I was younger, I always developed feelings for people far too easy. Or I’d get close to someone and grow attached and I’d bottle that feeling up because I was afraid of rejection. At school, I had a major crush on the same girl for 7 years. Then when I went to university for my first degree, I fell in love for the first time and that became one hell of a crazy ride. I won’t go into the specifics but it didn’t end well and I ended up deeply in love with a person who had fallen for someone else and it took me quite some time to even accept or get used to that. I became very reserved after that, even more so than I was before and I only really snapped out of that 7 years later. And even so, it hit me hard when I heard she got married and more so when she had her first baby. But I digress. 

So anyway, I had a chat with my Mum and she said I should give it a go. I was sceptical. You see, four years ago, I became rather sick. Not like the flu style sick but life altering long term kind of sickness. I became mostly housebound, which meant less socialising and meeting new people. My means of meeting potential Mrs David had vanished. After a few years, my dear sweet Mum told me that I should try out online dating, which I swear was driven partially out of her desire for grandchildren. But anyway, I agreed and I signed up for Match.com at first. I was really excited but also afraid. You see, being sick meant that my body has changed drastically. At first, I lost 98 lbs in the space of some 4 months. Then, when I got put on treatment, my weight piled back on. These days I am majorly out of shape (not that I ever was in great shape mind you) and this meant that my photos were not as fetching as Joe Blogs topless with his six pack. The fact is, I could never sell myself well. My pictures were unremarkable. I’m a fat guy with a big nose. I’m also not particularly exciting. Sure, I have hobbies but being housebound means that I’m not exactly going to be able to go rock climbing or skydiving or whatever else the crazy kids of today are up to. Basically I’m a bit of a homebody. That doesn’t really match up with active tall dark and handsome. So how do you sell yourself in that position? 

After many months of rejection and insults, I called my time on online dating quits. It was a failed experiment but one that I had to see for myself. For many years, people told me that I’ve got to just put myself out there and I’d meet someone and I did and it didn’t work. Now I know that a guy like me is never going to find it easy in this game. 

So what does a guy like me do?

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16 thoughts on “Dating Profiles and “Selling” Yourself

  1. A guy like you is interesting, awesome and should never give up searching because soon the right woman will appear when least expected. We all deserve to love and be loved. I would also suggest David should be in good shape at least a bit, it enhances charisma💕💞

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  2. Well, I’ve never done the online dating thing, but it sounds more like it’s about superficial first impressions and window shopping. I think you are a very interesting guy, and a guy with good character, but perhaps not the I-have-a-six-pack-but-no-substance-once-you-get-to-know-me type of guy who seems to ‘shine’ on those dating websites. So don’t be discouraged. I really think the right one will come along eventually. 🙂

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  3. I wish I had more insight on this for you – I very briefly tried online dating and it was just horrible. I have several friends who met their spouses through various sites, so I figured I would give it a shot. It really was NOT for me, for various reasons. That said, I might give it another shot if I wasn’t married now. I am guessing you have, but I think perhaps there is a lot of advice online for doing dating site profiles for people who might not fit the traditional notion of what women are looking for – the sort of profile that brings out the many awesome qualities you do have and attracts the sort of women who are more interested in that that more superficial things.

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    • Thank you for your feedback. I think maybe I might give it a go again in the future but I definitely need a break from it. To be honest, I miss the whole old fashioned way of dating. I know I might sound lame but there is something to be said about the whole old school style of dating. Maybe it is just me!

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  4. That’s the thing with these online sites. It really feeds the superficial side of dating. At first! Because your deciding on whether you could be with someone on surface features. I have friends who have had success stories even marriages. The common thread is they stuck with it. You ate funny and smart guy so I know she is out there. Btw I’m glad your better!

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    • I agree! They are REALLY superficial. And a lot of the time I feel like some of the girls are looking for reassurance because they will put really sexy half naked photos out there and know they are going to attract the wrong sorts. So maybe they just like the attention ?

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  5. My experience on on line dating was memorable in so many ways and I met very interesting and exceptional people as well as superficial ones and the lying brigade. I soon discovered that when I liked a person, it was the ideal that I liked, which I had created in my mind and to which I became very attached, before ever meeting them. They must have felt the same too.. The hope was that they were the one, until we would meet, when that ideal would be, mutually, shattered, to never meet again. Chemistry was crucial to this experience but was never realised in their absence, until The Meeting. Sometimes i liked them, but they didnt like me, or vice versa, so I figured to be content is to never meet, but continue being in love with that ideal, communicating through phones and Internet, nothing visual, that didn’t work.

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    • I get what you mean. Sometimes the idea of a person that you have masks the real person. I’ve fallen for a person before I’ve met them in person and you almost always fall in love with the idea. Maybe it’s just something about them that you just can’t get from a picture or a Skype conversation. Maybe it’s just something they aren’t saying I don’t know. Online dating can be very deceptive.

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  6. The first step is changing your mindset. Being a dude is hard, and society hasn’t done us any favors when it comes to connecting honestly and openly with women. All you need is a push in the right direction and some actionable direction. Online dating is a great avenue to go down, you just have to know where to start.

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