This meal just made me cross my legs

You’ve heard food horror stories before. You know what I mean. I remember one from a time when I was no more than ten and my friend’s mum took me and her son for some Kentucky Fried Chicken after we spent the day bowling. Just as I was about to chow down on my chicken and beans, she asks “David, have you ever heard the KFC mouse story?” “No?” I reply and all of a sudden, I’m filled with dread. She then tells us a story about a KFC store in Kettering where a customer bought a bucket of chicken to find that one of her drumsticks is actually a mouse covered in breadcrumbs. That’s right. A MOUSE. I for the life of me had no idea why she felt the need to share that story, especially while we were eating there. Even more so considering she wasn’t the wealthiest of parents and that she had just paid for the meal. I don’t know, maybe she was some sort of masochist but I never looked at KFC the same way again. It certainly was NOT finger licking good.

But today, a new story has emerged and while it was not anything to do with KFC, it did bring back memories of deep frying but I suppose in a exponentially more horrific sense.

I give to you…the penis…in the pork?*

*Okay, now I’m not actually sure that is a real penis but the similarity is disturbing. I can only imagine how the diner, who is only known as Akousa, must have felt when she picked this up.

The lady of the story had purchased a tub of Tuo Zaafi, an ethnic dish, which she purchased from a chop house in the suburb of Pokuase in Accra, Ghana. And she explained how she had eaten the rest of her soup when she came to her last piece, only to have a very nasty surprise.

She told her family about the mystery sausage who advised her that it would be best for her to feed it to the dogs. Jokingly I presume! Anyway, after some deliberation, her brother advised her to send the item either to the police or to a laboratory to test it.

Her sister took the item to her friend, a lab technician who explained that unfortunately, because the item had been cooked, it would be impossible for them to see whether it was human or animal meat through a simple laboratory test. And while he further explained that a forensic test could be done to better investigate it, the family did not want to go through the beaurocratic procedures and did the next best thing – took it home and put it in the freezer!!!! The publisher of this story was also unfortunately to clarify whether Akousa was blessed with big hands or whether this item is just small. It’s probably for the best that size doesn’t matter!